went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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