How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize