I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
