how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
