It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
