Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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