I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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