You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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