You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
