I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
