I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
