Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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