Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
