It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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