You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
