my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Randomize
