I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can I color on your dick again?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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