i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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