Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
