in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
