yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
