You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
