apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize