Pappa wants mamma naked
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
