Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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