You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
