I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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