Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
