Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
