true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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