I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize