she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
