come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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