It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I smell like Dick and happiness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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