everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
