so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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