just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are a genius and a whore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
