hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
