so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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