you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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