So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
