people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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