I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Damn victory sex feels great
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
