At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize