I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize