I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
