i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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