just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
