At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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