so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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