I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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