Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
