But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
