I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
