I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
