i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
