my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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