We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
