Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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