I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
