You're my little dorito
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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