The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize