I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
