I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
