I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My bed smells like the plague
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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