something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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