I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
