Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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