The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
