i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
im six kinds of drunk right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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