Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
