Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
