That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
