smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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