you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
