Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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