this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize