1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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