Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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