My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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