I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
In America we eat man semen.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
