There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
