My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
