you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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