this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The struggles of a small town man whore
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
