my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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