She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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