By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
